Vending Machine of Doom
rating: +4+x
Item: "Vending Machine of Doom"
Classification: Vertigo
Location: Base 19 Cafeteria
Living: No
Sentient: No
Usage Precautions: All coinage used on the item must be checked prior to use to insure that it coincides with safety guidelines
Date of Discovery: 29 October 2018

Item shortly following containment


The item may be used for recreational purposes by onsite personnel of Delta level clearance or higher at their own risk. All individuals planning to utilize this item must have their currency checked prior to use. Two Gamma Class security personnel are to be stationed in the vicinity of the item at all times to insure that all safety protocols are followed and that unauthorized individuals are not able to come into contact with the item. In addition, all drinks obtained from the item are not to be removed from Base Nineteen's cafeteria and all unfinished instances are to be disposed of prior to the conclusion of the obtainer's meal break. Pending Command approval, drinks generated from the item may be used for assassination operations and mass terroristic activities.


The anomaly is a standard vending machine stylized with P████Co Brand markings. Serial codes taken from the anomaly show that it was created in mid 2017 by ███████ Industries in ██████, Colorado. When not attached to an external power supply, the item demonstrates no anomalous characteristics and unless "plugged in" to a source of electricity is to be considered "dormant".

The item's anomalous properties begin to manifest when it is plugged in to a type B outlet or otherwise given a source of external power. When activated, the machine will function in a manor usual to other machines of that make and model. Whilst active, individuals may use the built-in selection buttons on the front of the device to select from several different brands of soft drink including: P████, Diet P████, Cherry P████, Mountain Dew, █████, C███ Cola and Me████ Yellow. Following selection, the individual will be prompted to insert $1.75 USD in exact change. Following this, the drink that they have selected will be dispensed.

Should the individual have selected P████ or a variation thereof, the soda dispensed will posses no anomalous characteristics and may be consumed at the procurer's leisure. However, should another brand other than P████ be chosen, the produced beverage will contain high amounts of an as-of-yet unknown, and seemingly undetectable, chemical which upon consumption will cause almost instantaneous death within 0.54 milliseconds of ingestion.

Tests conducted on the item show that it contains a seemingly unlimited supply of drinks (of all varieties) so long as appropriate tender is offered between each purchase. Should a user attempt to purchase a drink with in-exact change or should the money offered not be the United States Dollar (minted after 1970) all drinks vended will be lethal regardless of brand. In addition, all attempts to remove the casing or otherwise access the item's interior have failed. Attempts to damage or destroy the item have likewise proved unsuccessful.

The anomaly first came to the attention of the Insurgency in late 2018 when agents planted within the ███ Police Department in ██████████, Rhode Island discovered the item after a string of mass murders caused by unknown poison ingestion led operatives to the ███████ Shopping Center. There the item was discovered in the building's food court, and after preliminary field tests were conducted and an owner/operator could not be found, the machine was taken into Chaos Insurgency custody under the guise of a terrorist attack by the ████ Terror Network. How the anomaly came to be in the center's food court is still under investigation and no probable leads presently exist.

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