For the full experience put this on loop before embarking.
"Recording of the Joe"
Few things have disturbed the mind of admin staff more than the Eye Cotton Joe incident of 2017. The incident went down as one of the largest security failures in recent history.
At the day of April 1th of 2017 researcher Even Criest decided to utilize an anomaly code named "Wood Shine" in a practical joke. It was later determined that this action was not entirely the researchers fault as the documentation of said anomaly was not complete and the resulting effects could not be predicted based on previous experiments. The effects of the anomaly usually were a mild attraction to the person that had consumed the substance. This was at most a minor mind affecting anomaly and only applicable to a small subset of Insurgency employees that might profit from a small charisma boost while suffering effects similar to high alcohol intake and temporary blindness in one eye.
Researcher Criest poured 300 ml of "Wood Shine" into the water container used to brew coffee in the staff cafeteria. The resulting dilution should have reduced the items effectiveness and side-effects. This result would have been consistent with previous dilution tests.
Sadly the process of brewing the coffee with the "Wood Shine" contaminated water triggered a previously unknown potency effect. Instead of being diluted to harmless levels the resulting coffee became a new anomaly entirely.
While staff was on high alert regarding practical jokes the strange taste of the coffee did not raise the expected reaction. It is believed that the coffee had taken on the charisma boost of the "Wood Shine", something the original anomaly never displayed as "Wood Shine" was never seen as a preferable drink choice do to its own effect. Testimony gathered after the incident mention that the affected noted something strange with their coffee but actively ignored it.
While the strange taste of the staff coffee was noted by security personnel it was not raised as a security concern. The number of effected personnel rose until most members of the base had drunk their morning coffee after which the first changes in staff behavior were raised to the attention of security.
Several other practical jokes were going out of control and some members of staff had lost most of their eye sight, having developed milky white eyes in line with the effects of "Wood Shine". The "Wood Shine" storage containers were inspected and the 300ml Even Criest had requisitioned were noted, but not further considered as a reason for the facility wide outbreak. "Wood Shine" induced blindness would only target one eye, not both and the amount of "Wood Shine" needed to affect the staff to the observed degree would be well over three liters.
It was then noted that the members not affected by the outbreak where the non coffee drinkers and those that used a different source for their coffee than the staff machine, such as home brewed coffee or private coffee makers. While the staff coffee machine was briefly considered the culprit, the effects of the liquid seem to have made it inconspicuous. The coffee machine was dismissed as a possible culprit, even after it was observed that there was a cotton like substance within the coffeepot after the coffee had been left to stand for a few minutes.
The security team was distracted from further investigation by the first of many major security breaches when a version of "Cotton Eye Joe" began playing over the sites communication systems on loop. This seemed to agitate the affected personal into performing rash actions such as ripping fire extinguishers of the walls and disrupting several ongoing procedures within the base. Some of these processes included sensitive experiments and anomalous containment.
Affected staff was at this point in time mostly blind and their minds fully compromised. While security tried to reestablish order in the base it was noted that affected staff were highly efficient in disrupting the basses operation, somehow doing more damage than blind staff in a locked down base should be able to inflict. After the incident it was discovered that the entire process compromised data and backups up to 20 years of age. This must have been a directed effort as no individual or group, impaired or not could have pulled of such results by accident.
After most members of the rampaging staff were contained in sealed of corridors and rooms, it was discovered that the communications system was seemingly affected by another anomaly as the source of the "Cotton Eye Joe" song could not be found and the volume of the song could not be reduced. The song kept playing base wide even after power and emergency power to the system were cut.
It was determined that the whole base was under the influence of an uncontained anomaly and not just a majority of staff. The decision to abandon the base and the affected personnel was down voted 7 to 4. The security team contained the members of affected staff one by one, reestablishing control over the facility room by room. After the base further destruction was prevented the security team returned to the staff coffee machine only to find several milky white balls in the coffee pot that seemed to gaze at the security team. The coffee pot and the eye like spheres were removed from the heat plate. As the substance cooled down the eye like movements of the spheres ceased and the music began to fade. The 9 balls seemed to have controlled the music and the minds of the affected personnel.
"Wood Shine" and "Eye Cotton Joe" (Joe = Coffee) were finally contained and reclassified. Several staff members needed extended leave to recover their eyesight and several members of security staff suffered psychological damage. A recording of the the music played on base intercom during the incident is still usable as a psychological weapon to all members of site staff that were involved during the event. This includes members of staff that were at the time of the incident inebriated to the point of unconsciousness.
Ever since practical jokes involving anomalies even if they seem mundane require at least Beta-Level approval and are to be tested before deployment. Even Criest was reprimanded, yet was promoted to senior researcher in 2021. "Wood Shine" and "Eye Cotton Joe" were removed from the arsenal and moved to [REDACTED] until further notice. It is unknown to general staff whether "Eye Cotton Joe" was deemed unsafe for deployment or has shown itself to be part of a hostile entity.
Should the sound of the music not cease after the loop was stopped, please contact your supervisor and request the deployment of counter measures to the "Not-Literally Earworm Contamination Scenario 3".
