Jack of All Trades
rating: +4+x
Item: Jack of All Trades
Size: 176 centimeters
Type: Humanoid.
Living: Yes.
Sentient: Yes.
Potential/Current Hazards Potential Cognitohazard and Replication.
Required Wear/Weaponry Wear standard outfits, but keep extreme caution around the entity.
Location: Object moved to locations where its services are required, but when not required, stored at Command Central Base: Six.


The entity is allowed to wander the facility it is currently located in, as long as it complies and follows orders given to it by Gamma level and higher personnel. Orders given to the entity must be carefully worded to ensure the entity does not misunderstand the order. Its limits are as follows, as they have been heavily tested. It can complete a task taking up to five people, and up to three days of planning, in one day. The item is able to do heavily specialized tasks, such as surgery on the brain of a human,

In situations of high risk to the Insurgency, the item will be dispatched, with Insurgency agents in a position to ensure it keeps to its task, to attempt and turn high-ranking individuals into replications of itself. This is to keep the secrecy of the agents in the threat organization, but also to get the organization under Insurgency control. To ensure the item's loyalty to the Insurgency, reasonable requests from the entity are to be granted, so long as they do not exceed 500 USD in price.


The entity in question, designated "Jack" by its wishes, bares a considerable resemblance to a human wearing a gray hazard suit with a heavily tinted helmet. Although, through observations and testing, it was discovered the hazard suit and helmet are both parts of the entity's biological structure. The entity was acquisitioned from Marshall, Carter and Dark LTD1.

The personality and behavior of the entity has been described by those assigned to monitor it as, helpful and energetic. The item seems to affect those who interact with it on a daily basis with a cognitohazard, making them more upbeat and wanting to interact with the entity more. Continued interaction with the entity will cause them to become a replication of the entity, who will also take a very generic and common name, with a few examples being, Bob, George, Charlie, and Arthur. Through observation at the replication process, after the item has interacted with a person on a daily basis for at least a week, on the final day of the week, they begin to grow the hazmat suit-like muscle and skin, which, after dissecting a replication, is shown to replace the old skin. The new, rubbery skin, is proven to be slightly stronger than regular skin, able to take two stabs from a combat knife before being pierced. Attempts to halt the process of replication have been unsuccessful without the death of the person being replicated.

The replications of the entity, while wearing an almost identical hazmat as the original, the color of their suit varies widely. A person who is turned into a replication of the item has heavily impeded mental functions, and obeys the original item, even without the original needing to vocalize what it needs done. It is theorized that the replications are connected with the original in a hivemind, with the original acting as the ruler. The replications, although tested heavily, cannot replicate itself. The colors usually correspond with a name the replication takes, with some examples being that replications who take the name Bob usually wear a dark blue hazmat suit, and ones that take the name George wear green hazmat suits. On certain occasions, the replications take the name of the person who was turned into a replication.

Item Acquisition Report

Status Selling Sold.
Demand High
Value 10,000,000 USD, 7,176,000 GBP starting price
Availability Unique
Identifier Jack of All Trades
Description Item is an entity seemingly fused into a hazmat suit. It is subservient to its masters, and seemingly friendly. Orders given to it are often misunderstood if not worded with the utmost caution. It replicates itself using sentient beings.
Marshall, Carter and Dark, LTD.
Initial Report
Author Montgomery K. Turner Date October 31, 2009
Interest High Identifier Jack Of All Trades
The item was found in a rural town in Canada during the Halloween festivities. It was encountered by Mr. Turner while visiting family in Kamouraska, Quebec. He was driving to a nearby motel to get some sleep, and catch his flight back home the next day. While driving, he noticed what seemed to be a man standing at about 5'8 feet, and wearing a hazmat suit. He found this especially suspicious, as the hazmat suit seemed very realistic, and after following the item for about an hour, as despite people's reactions to others, when the item interacted with them, they became upbeat if not already upbeat and happy while interacting with everyone. Mr. Turner called Agent X, Y, and Z to surveil the item, as he was very suspicious of the strange man.

After five days of observation, Agent X, Agent Y, and Agent Z came to the conclusion that it was, indeed, anomalous. They attempted to cut off the item, and it began to flee. They easily cut it off, and sedated it with multiple tranquilizer darts, coated in trazodone to ensure sedation. It was then taken to Storage Bank-056.
File Opened Under: ED34C/RTY64/OLK32
Marshall, Carter and Dark, LTD.
Tracking Information
Owner Date Comments
Marshall, Carter and Dark October 31, 2009 Initial Discovery.
Doctor Joseph N. Monroe December 3, 2009 Dr. Monroe bought the item at the December 3rd, 2009 auction (See Auction Record 1.) at the price of 12,001,000 USD (8,658,974.03 GBP).
Marshall, Carter and Dark LTD December 7, 2009 Item repossessed from Dr. Monroe post-mortem.
Global Occult Coalition February 14, 2010 Item taken from Storage Bank-056 in a raid. (See report on Incident 01.)
Marshall, Carter and Dark LTD February 16, 2010 Item retrieved from Global Occult Coalition. (See Memo 01.)
Andrew Johnathan Kolt April 4, 2010 Item bought by Andrew J. Kolt, buying for a price of 15,500,400 USD (11,172,688.32 GBP). (Auction Record 2)
Marshal, Carter and Dark LTD April 5, 2010 Item repossessed after Mr. Kolt broke the veil of secrecy. (See Chatlog 01)
Chaos Insurgency May 22, 2010 See External Document 04
Marshall, Carter and Dark, LTD
Auction Record 01
Date December 3, 2009 Location Toronto
Auctioneer Montgomery K. Turner Lot 56 of 254
Listing A delightfully helpful buy this one is. Lot 56 is a man in a hazmat suit that'll follow your every order, and help you around the mansion, or with the kids. Great for travel, as well, as he never needs to pack any bags or personal possessions to lug around, and slow you down with! He'll always be happy to help around, sometimes he just needs a little push or some energy. By bidding on this lot, or any of the previous lots, Marshall, Carter and Dark LTD legally takes no responsibility for misuse or abuse of item.
Name Bid Comments
Doctor Joseph Monroe 10,100,000USD
Artie Leonard 11,000,000USD
Jimi Hope 11,005,000USD Mr. Hope was visibly intoxicated.
Doctor Joseph Monroe 11,050,000USD
Sherill Hope 12,000,000USD Mrs. Hope took the place of Mr. Hope in the auction.
Doctor Joseph Monroe 12,001,000USD Winner of auction.
Marshall, Carter and Dark, LTD
Incident Report 01
Author Johnathan M. Stallion Date February 14, 2010
13:05, a Global Occult Coalition task force breached the perimeter of Storage Bank-056 using a remote C4 detonation. This detonation wounded 3 sentinels with shrapnel.
13:07, the task force entered the building, and When they entered, they immediately dispatched the sentinels, and took one of the sentinel's security cards, opening the room of the item.
13:08, the item was under heavy sedation to stop its effect on our valued employees. The Global Occult Coalition task force then unhooked the IV drips to keep it sedated, and place it in a body bag.
At 13:14,the task force escape on their helicopter, after dispatching at least 8 sentinels who attempted to dispatch the task force operatives.
Marshall, Carter and Dark, LTD
Memo 01
Sender Johnathan M. Stallion Recipient Montgomery K. Turner
Mr. Turner, the sentinel task force has retrieved the item, with minimal wounds. They inflicted minor wounds attempting to study its biology, although the sentinels dispatched the driver of their truck with a shot to the head, and dispatched the rest with a few shots from their semi-automatic shotguns. I apologize for them even getting away with it, but most of our sentinels were focused on guarding the elite auction in London, and the ones that were there were easily dispatched. I suspect they were sabotaged, due to multiple of the major wires being cut, causing some sentinels to be shut down, and the rest to be very slow and unresponsive with orders. Again, I do apologize, but the item can be easily repaired with some surgery, to stitch up the wounds. Your commission will not be affected by this, I promise.
Marshall, Carter and Dark, LTD
Auction Record 02
Date October 22, 1918 Location Washington DC
Auctioneer Selleroff Stuff Lot 147 of 341
Listing A delightfully helpful buy this one is. Lot 147 is a man in a hazmat suit that'll follow your every order, and help you around the mansion, or with the kids. Great for travel, as well, as he never needs to pack any bags or personal possessions to lug around, and slow you down with! He'll always be happy to help around, sometimes he just needs a little push or some energy. By bidding on this lot, or any of the previous lots, Marshall, Carter and Dark LTD legally takes no responsibility for misuse or abuse of item.
Name Bid Comments
Isabella Woods 11,000,000USD
Andrew J. Kolt 11,150,000USD
Ralph L. Wiggum 13,000,000USD Bidding in Place of Sir Joseph M. Tike
Andrew J. Kolt 14,000,000USD
Isabella Woods 15,000,000USD
Ralph L. Wiggum 15,500,000USD Proxy bidder for Esselwex Lestroud.
Andrew J. Kolt 15,500,400USD Winner of auction.
Marshall, Carter and Dark, LTD
Transcribed Messages
Sent by: AndyK Received by: MontyT
Records From: April/4/2010-/5/20, 22:31 through 1:10
Time User Message
22:31 AndyK hey what would happen if i took the thing out in public
22:33 MontyT Do not take the item outside, keep it in your mansion.
00:12 AndyK Took it on a walk and talked to it. Turns out he's very nice. His name's Jack.
00:56 MontyT Stay at your computer.
01:10 AndyK ERROR
Log end.
External Report 1
Organisation Chaos Insurgency Acquired May 22, 2010
Method of Acquisition The following document was obtained after Auction 03, where a Mr. Andrews, bidding for the Chaos Insurgency, gave a sentinel the following document, telling it to thank the auctioneer.
To a Mr. Turner:
Dear Mr. Turner, I do thank you for the opportunity to ensure we win this auction. The entity will be very useful to us, and your reward will be coming very soon. Everyone here at Command Central Base: Six thanks you for your service, Mr. Turner.
From, Mr. Andrews.
Marshall, Carter and Dark, LTD

The previous documentation was obtained inside a package from Marshall, Carter, and Dark LTD. It also came with the following note, which was handwritten, and addressed to Doctor ██████, regardless of the pseudonym Mr. Andrews being used to attempt and conceal his identity. Attempts to locate the writer of the note using fingerprints has so far proved impossible, as there are no fingerprints on the note.

A note to Doctor ██████
Dear, Doctor ██████, your shenanigans have cost us a considerable amount of money. 𝟣𝟩,𝟢𝟢𝟢,𝟢𝟢𝟢USD, as an estimate. Mr. Turner has been dispatched from his position, and we must now issue this organization its first warning. We are generous, however, so instead of ending your organization, we will give it two more chances. However, three strikes, you're out.
Marshall, Carter and Dark, LTD
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